Reeling from accusations that new ‘pattern books’ contain multiple serious errors with growing neighborhood concerns, the City’s ‘Richmond300 Committee has declared that grave misalignments must be identified and corrected.

New development on W.Cary Street in the Fan.

In order to dispel the acridity and seek more harmony, the Planning Commission has called on Maria Peach, a globally recognized teacher, speaker, healer, and writer, who known for her work on the chakra system and its connection to human psychology and spiritual growth.
Her fees were not available at press time, but City planners have expressed great confidence in this expert’s ability to properly diagnose and channel the root lines and ultimately help the City discover, decode, and harness its life force.

“We believe that by addressing the subtle energy matrix, we can open a powerful path for sustainable healing,” stated a member of the City’s Code Refresh Task Force. “We are putting all of our crystals on the table and going back to the maps so that we can solve blockages and imbalances. We want to clear the negativity for not just Oregon Hill, but all neighborhoods and residents.”

For their part, Oregon Hill neighbors have signaled that they are willing to do the meditation, breathing exercises, and shadow work necessary to realign and eventually come to an understanding.

“There is no direct mention of the chakras in the City Code. While this might seem like a cause for concern, it is important to note that viruses, hormones, ultraviolet rays, or even “the Trinity” cannot be found in the City Code either!” explained one enlightened neighbor.